Masculinity as Homophobia

The first article that I read for this week was Kimmel's "Masculinity as Homophobia", which I actually found really interesting. Kimmel makes several points in particular that caught my attention:

• manhood is a social construct
• maculinity must be proven to other men
• being a man means not being a woman
• being a man means success with the traditional male identity
• masculinity is a defense against potential humiliation

The way I see it, Kimmel brings all of this together in one statement: "we learn that our peers are a kind of gender police" (132). Not being a man, I cannot fully relate to these statements nor most of the others. However, my close group of friends is largely boys and most times that we get together I am the only girl. So, while reading Kimmel's article I found myself realizing that not only could many of my friends exemplify exactly what he was saying, but so could I. I realized that unintentionally, I am one way when with my girlfriends and another when with the boyfriends. Perhaps I am only biased but I think this has way more to do with the dynamics of each group than my own personality.

When I am with the girls I have no problem being girly. And by that I mean I enjoy being girly. This changes when I'm with the guys. Sure, I am still the same girl and I don't completely switch roles but I certainly limit my talk of "girly topics" such as chick flicks, my nails, clothes, the Hunger Games, etc. One reason is because I'd rather not alienate myself since they would have almost no input whatsoever but another is because they might not hang out with me if I could no longer keep up with their guy talk. I, much like them according to Kimmel, am constantly trying to prove that I'm not as feminine as they might think. 

Since becoming "one of the guys" I've gained more freedom in terms of how girly I am in their presence and the funny thing is, so have they. Having been friends for 5, 8, even 10 years they're all so comfortable with each other that they aren't afraid of anything. As an insider, I can say with certainty that no topic, no matter how "feminine", is off the table. Of course, this changes once an outsider enters the picture. Someone not as close is seen as someone "capable of humiliating him in front of his peers" and certain topics become more taboo. In this sense, manhood is most certainly a social construct. These social expectations of masculinity only hold in situations where people outside the group of us are involved. I would bet that most groups of friends are the same way.